Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
how does that bad decision feel?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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