I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize