I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i now understand why vodka
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
