I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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