ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
