Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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