apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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