just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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