Screwed.edu
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
