Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
