Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
