Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize