My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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