Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
