thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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