I hate all girls vehemently.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
