have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
