I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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