Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You dont lie about slip and slides
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
