I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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