dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
