Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
