Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize