Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
