looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
