weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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