you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
