dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
