Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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