Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
