so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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