remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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