i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
