Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
