Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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