I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
