The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
