boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
