How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
