She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
