I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
