It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the day after is always just damage control
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
