my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
