Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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