I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
