Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
