At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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