just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
