Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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