sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
