How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i've created a new STD.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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