i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
NoShamevember. You game?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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