we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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