i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize