i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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