I need help removing her.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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