He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
