WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
