Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize