it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
