I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize