my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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