He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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