He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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