Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
