the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
