I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
