im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
