porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
