Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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