You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize