The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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