We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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