he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
