weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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