no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
