I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
