What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
