You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The adults are the big ones right?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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