They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
