First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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