Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
