Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
