youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Congratulations! We have a period
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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