just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize