I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
