oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
