Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I need moral support for this bender
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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