when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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