If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
