Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
