Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
