Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
