He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
