I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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