I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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