well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
