did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
