ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
