i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
