How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
