I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
