either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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