we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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