Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
