you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize